Allow me to break my silence for a few minutes and share with you what's been going on with me lately. (warning: human feelings)
Over the holidays, my husband and I began the long, sad process of getting a divorce. I spent most of January packing my things (about 80% of which was my art studio), and moved into an apartment about 45 minutes away from my former home. I chose to move, and on the record, the separation was mutual and amicable. That's not to say that I'm not hurt and struggling, and my internet silence has been a direct result of that.
Heartbroken doesn't quite describe it. I've been feeling such mixed emotions that it's hard to lock in on one, and sometimes they come back to back with a completely opposite emotion; I was enjoying the freedom of watching the Olympic figure skating pairs at 2:00 in the morning, until Maxim Trankov embraced Tatiana Volosozhar at the end of their winning performance, and I started crying uncontrollably. "They're so beautiful. That's what I always thought love should look like."
"Learning to Leave", 2014, Digital Painting
A better thing to call it might be grief. This painting is a symbolic interpretation of my current state of mind, and also a literal self-portrait x 3. In it, the first aspect clings to the past and mourns for her loss (and failure to save her relationship). The second is the voice of reason- she's responsible for quieting the grief when she can (in realistic terms, she keeps me from posting horrible things on Facebook when I'm upset), but she's also fragile and sometimes too weak to have any effect. The third aspect is ready to begin anew, though for the time she's stuck behind the other two, waiting for them to finish their grieving process. She exists but lacks an identity of her own yet, so we don't see her face. I thought the flower petals were a nice symbolic nod to both path-making and weddings.
This painting is about as stream-of-consciousness as it gets while still using photo references and obeying (most of) the technical rules of art-making. I started it at 8:00 PM on Valentine's Day, and finished up this morning, taking a day's break in between. Make of it what you will, I just really needed to get this out before moving forward with my artwork and my life.
So, that's what's going on right now. I'm working on getting back into a healthy, positive groove- slowly it's happening but it will take time, and I thank everyone for their patience with me. Until next time.
*EDIT: I feel embarrassed for not giving a shout-out to all my wonderful friends and family. My life is not ALL doom and gloom- I've had an incredible support network helping me through this. From the bottom of my heart, thank you guys so much. <3
[Prints available in my Print Store]